One of the challenges in marriage is to figure out the difference between your and your partner’s wants and needs. This can lead to a lot of confusion because we are limited by both language and our own view of the world. If something isn’t important to us, it’s hard to grasp how important it can be to someone else.
How often have you found yourself wanting to understand why your partner wants something or feels a certain way? You may not think leaving your shoes in the corner of the bedroom is that big of a deal but your partner keeps harping on it over and over again. You may be frustrated that your partner doesn’t tell you how great you look after you have spent considerable time getting ready for a night out.
These things don’t happen because you don’t care. They happen because you have different needs and expectations. What gets in the way of doing what works is your need to understand why your partner feels the way they do. As Michele Weiner-Davis says, “Understanding is overrated.”
I hate the color pink. I can’t tell you why I don’t like it; I just don’t. What is more, I don’t expect to have to convince anyone, especially my husband, of the “rightness” of my feelings. What I hope is that my feeling is honored.
Feelings and needs are neither right nor wrong. They just are. Giving is about the other person. It’s about what makes them feel good, not what you would want in their place. In fact, real giving shouldn’t be extremely easy for you. It’s not about what you understand, but what fits for your partner.
Fearless Marriage Activities to Keep Love Alive:
Day One: Compliment your partner on something important to them.
Day Two: Make your spouse’s favorite dinner.
Day Three: Give your partner time to engage in their favorite activity.
Day Four: Do the household task your spouse dislikes doing the most.
Day Five: Watch your partner’s favorite movie or television show with them.
Day Six: Plan a day with several of your spouse’s favorite activities.
Day Seven: Honor a long-standing request your partner has been making.
- The Magic of a Loving Response
- The Art of Knowing Your Partner’s Emotional Needs
- Five Ways to Stay Attractive to Your Spouse
If you have a question about marriage or relationships, check out Lesli’s book.
Photo: Master isolated images